Disney Buys Lucasfilms, Announces Star Wars Episode VII

The cosmos must have been completely out of order yesterday… Not only did Sierra Nevada Celebration not get released here in Santa Barbara like it was supposed to, and I know we don’t cover football (soccer) but, Arsenal, down 4-0 to Reading, caught up in injury time and won 7-5 in extra time. On top of all that I had a midterm, one that was pretty damn tedious. But that isn’t the last of it. None of what I had experienced yesterday could prepare me for the most shocking news I have read all year, perhaps, maybe in my entire life.

Disney has officially bought Lucasfilms for 4.05 billion dollars in stock and cash. And yes, there will be a brand new Star Wars trilogy beginning with Episode VII, followed by new releases in the franchise every 2-3 years.

I know what you’re thinking. I was thinking the exact same thing… There is going to be a brand new E.T.! Err, wait… What? What I meant to say was, there will most likely be a brand new Indiana Jones, one that hopefully doesn’t involve Shia LaBeouf (although he was pretty damn great in Even Stevens). They should bring Data back. You know that Asian from The Goonies? Yeah, I forget his nickname from Temple of Doom. What was it? Baseball? Shortstop? Shortfly? It escapes me…

This all may be incredibly shocking to you people just learning of the news; my heart began to race when I first found out. After calming down though, I realized that the signs were there all along, ever since Star Tours and Indiana Jones the Ride opened at Disneyland. I’m not sure what took them so long, but Disney, it seems, has been repping Lucasfilms for a long, long time. In all honesty, I’m actually surprised that Disneyland never hosted a Howard the Duck 3D show like they did Captain EO and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Enough of the jokes, though. It’s official. After their acquisition of Marvel, Disney is on course to becoming the first and last corporate world power. And to that I say: at least Big Brother will be Mickey Mouse. M-O-U-S-E.

But seriously people, a brand new Star Wars trilogy is coming. I was pretty damn angry at first, but after reading what Kevin Smith had to say about the subject (read it here), I am almost in full support. It is now time to begin thinking about having kids.

One final thought: just as Disney assigned Joss Whedon as their Marvel Movie Universe Ambassador, they need to do the same exact thing with the new trilogy. We have all seen what he can do in space. He deserves the Emperor’s throne.

Until 2015, may the Force be with you!